Best of Portland Craigslist Musicians Wanted

this is all true

2008-04-22T15:18:00.000-07:00

"I AM DYING TO KILL!!!!! (MUSICALLY SPEAKING THAT IS) HAVE PRO EVERYTHING..( YES BASSES, CABS AND AMPS YOU HAVE NEVER HEARD OF).. . CAN YOU SAY ATTITUDE??????
. I'M OLD & NEED ANGER MANAGEMENT CLASSES AND I AM A GREAT BASS PLAYER W/ MULTIPLE GRAMMY NOMINATIONS AND A PICKY BITCH ATTITUDE" (link)

"extreme vocal style

a slow DO IT YOURSELF "sludgy" sound :what:

[anarchism, anti-oppression, current events, financial/emotional depression, environmentalism, veganism/vegetarianism/Freeganism, racial equality, squatting, non-conformity, feminism and abolishing sexism, religious control, Homophobia, censorship and nuclear destruction]

"do it yourself."

Woody Guthrie

upbeat dark, up pessimistic beat lyrics, often lingering on the bleak up-beat aftermath of nuclear war." (link)

"I would like to borrow instruments.
I will return them as I got them.
Please do not flag. This is all true.
I am too broke to buy or rent my own.
So let me borrow yours.

I am looking for Electric drums, Electric guitars, and Electric keyboards.
I would like to create a music album and this will help." (link)

defies cliché

2008-03-27T12:22:00.000-07:00

"if you're into heavy shit and wanna further your career get a hold of us" (link)

"... i have had practically no luck finding like minded individuals ,,,,so i am posting my own ad in hopes that i will find people who actually like music , not trying to be soooo cool. not trying to be too hip .not trying to belong to some clique or dork squad either. i don't look the part ..i am a regular person who wants to play some quality music... " (link)

"noise lead guitarist / bck vox needed for agressive christian pop...Must be good cause this isn't some church band. You can be great & humble." (link)

"full grown and on fire
you already have the gear
and know how to use it
rhythmic and solid

this is riff rock
melodic grunge if ya
wanna call it that
BUT not cliché

off the hook &
outta the box
defies cliché" (link)

a band is like a marriage

2008-03-22T11:37:00.000-07:00

"I have played my whole life and this IS WHAT I DO! I play because I LOVE TO PLAY not for the $$. I am living in my car so that I can spread the love of music to all." (link)

"I have had so many problems with women who left the band in a lurch to follow their b/f or g/f across the fucking country... this is not fair a band is like a marriage too, between 3 or more people. So if you must leave to follow some man or woman around please replace yourself." (link)

"I have been in select choirs sense I was 12 I have plenty of stage experience. I don’t site read so good but I have great tone, range, flexibility and I can scream like a demon if needs be. I enjoy all genres of rock from death cab and dashboard to inflame and atreyu." (link)

"dude come and fuck up your vocal chords in our awesome band." (link)

badasses like myself

2008-02-26T15:43:00.000-08:00

"this band is ambient but not retro. screaming leads but soft melodic pulsations. there's some neo but not a lot. we are creating sonic inventions here with a touch of ectoplasmic psychodelia, not some fucking blues band!" (link) (screengrab)

"From past experience we will not say you are 'In the Band' until we have figured out that you can commit and are not a complete psycho." (link) (screengrab)

"Open mindedness, creativity, not being an asshole, not being a racist and not being a burden, these are qualities you should have." (link) (screengrab)

"'Romantic Rock' sounds to wussy for a lotta bigtime hard rockers so I congratulate you on your self assurance. Many will not click on this one. What I mean by that term is exemplified by a lot of the Beatles' songs, Goo Goo Dolls, Chris Isaak, David Gray, etc. ...I also want to be part of something with unlimited potential. The music business is a meritocracy, regardless of what those who haven't made it say, and strong songs still rule." (link) (screengrab)

PRO SINGER LOOKING

2008-02-19T10:58:00.000-08:00

"I can hit high notes to.Like the singer of hart but i dont sound like a girl ok!LOL my last concert I played was at brush prarie tavern in batle ground washington.We fricken lit it up man!LOL ladies dug us and we drank free"
(link to post) (screengrab)

"I will be the frontman of this band. The reluctant frontman, but the frontman, no less, mostly because I think most self-described singers are huge douche-bags. No offense."
(link to post) (screengrab)

"I'm looking to start a band. I don't really care what style or genre you are because I want this to be a completely original project and I believe the only way to do that is to have a great collaboration of multiple genres."
(link to post) (screengrab)

"God has whispered to me, 'share your music with the sick.'"
(link to post) (screengrab)

Pat Benatars vocals will be the furniture

2008-01-27T02:20:00.000-08:00

"We would take fairly traditional country songs and make them more obviously perverted. And we'd dress like rodeo clowns." (link)

"Think of a house with Silverchair's "Young Modern" as the foundation and Muse's origin of symmetry as the architecture, Pat Benatars vocals will be the furniture." (link)

"After talking w/ my mgr, I want it to be a Santana cover band or just a smoking Latin rock/dance type of band. Either way, we plan to rock and the main thing is that we blow the audience away with our sound." (link)

"ive always wanted to be in a band but Ive never gotten around to it. I don't play any instruments although i own several, and ive come realize i need to just buck up and be the singer. I'm definitely a great performer. im totally insane and entertaining. every time i go out to karaoke strangers tell me in need to be in a band so here i go." (link)

melodic, epic and edgy

2008-01-08T19:36:00.000-08:00

"What I want is a partner, perhaps a singer/songwriter, perhaps another multi-instrumentalist, definitely a soloist, a rugged individualist with a bent for experimentation, drama, dynamics and humor....this is the sort of project that will overwhelm the individual and become a powerful entity on its own, taking us down who knows what roads less traveled. And I am very much open to the pleasures of discovering whatever there is to be discovered as a result of dancing to the beat of someone else’s drum, so to speak." (link)

"Yoyooyoyoyoyoyo!
MY NAME IS k!D CHAO$, AND I'D LOVE TO JAM WITH A BAADAAASSS DJ WHO SPINS 2STEP, DNB, HIPHOP, ELECTRO PUNK OR ANYTHING YOU WANT ME TO TERRORIZE VOCALLY." (link)

"We are,
A very talented and marketable front woman/singer/lyricist,
Her equally talented and marketable singer/harmonizer/keyboard wiz sister" (link)

"We define skilled as, of course, an experienced, driven and a creatively motivated musician with not only passion but the ability to perform and entertain.

Our sound is melodic, epic and edgy much like our stage presence which you will find inspiring, energetic and captivating.

The ideal band would be two guitarists, a bassist, and a kick ass drummer... All with talent, stage presence (which includes image), self motivation and the ability to network." (link)

"I'm somewhat well known on myspace" (link)

witchcraft can be arranged

2008-01-04T23:47:00.000-08:00

"we need dedication,humble,good morals and values we are a example and try to be a positive group but know how to rock hard" (link)

"AGAIN, this is NOT a professional venue in any way, it is merely an opportunity to present your work in a Pagan-friendly environment!!" (link)

"Searching for a totally new Christian acoustic sound with great instrumentals as well as wonderful smooth clear vocal songs....Prospective members should be Christian believers with the word of God firmly rooted in your soul." (link)

"Musicians needed for Worship service . We are a non denomisation church we worship and believe in satan. Services begin 3rd saturday of each month NE Portland at midnight. No expireince nessary . witchcraft can be arranged to improve your ability or get you to learn a new instrument very well in a short time We are kind, do not need to worry" (link)

a audiance

2007-12-31T20:26:00.001-08:00

"Can you sing?? have you ever wanted to be in a real BAND?Can you sing rock? do you have what it takes like-> a great voice,able to talk with a audiance? and learn songs real fast? and great energy on stage?." (link)

"I will guarantee an awesome show with charisma and energy. I will make you pee your pants in excitement!" (link)

"You MUST LOVE TOOL, not be an ass (or republican), and most of all, be a better front-man than our drummer." (link)

"I want to start doing gigs. I,ve won two talent shows and sang the national anthem at the car races." (link)

double-plus

2007-12-24T14:44:00.000-08:00

"The songs are rich in mythos and emotion lyrically and musically...held by unique chording and diverse rhythms." (link)

However, WE DO NOT REQUIRE YOU SOUND LIKE EACH ORIGINAL SINGER…YOU’RE FREE TO SING IN YOUR OWN VOICE. (link)

"Also must share my priority of playing only in smoke-free venues. Prefer vegetarians. Radical politics a plus; knowing that 9/11 was an Inside Job a double-plus." (link)

"i am also a pagan and this is referenced often in some of my lyrics---so if this bothers you, then walk on home boy." (link)

queen of throats

2007-12-22T15:35:00.000-08:00

"Very large, hirsuite male looking to join all-nude tuba band. I've played tuba for 10 years, and I've played in the nude before, so this is a logical progression." (link)

"If I wanted to play to be popular I'd dye my hair black, hide from the sun, and buy pants that cut off circulation to the ankles and turn into a control-freak douchebag." (link)

"We are all laid back as fuck" (link)

"Known as the 'Queen of Throats' for the past 15 years, professional vocalists have entrusted their singing to Mary Beth Felker" (link)

"It might all be meaningless to you, but it makes sense to me. Random acts of kindness... Indigos, violets and greens... gauzy fairy dresses... dancing bells and woodwinds... on the air over Washington Park, or sitting by Inji's side playing Jethro Tull riffs on my flute..." (link)

"We can call it 'Rejectstock'" (link)

seriously

2007-12-17T19:38:00.001-08:00

"First off, I'm not that good. Seriously. I'm not just saying that." (link)

"hip hop lyricist to beat up my tracks like a James Brown girlfriend." (link)

"THE BAND HAS JUST LOST THERE SINGER AND WE ARE AGAIN LOOKING FOR THE LAST PEICE OF THE PUZZLE." (link)

"I'd especially be interested creating a punk edge with regards to guitar riffs and vocals." (link)

"male or female we dont care just as long as you can help us rape everybodys eardrums" (link)

awkward interactions

2007-12-16T17:41:00.000-08:00

"Banjo girl seeks fiddle girl for awkward musical interactions" (link)

"Music has been my life and im frustrated that i dont have a band right now lol." (link)

"Looking for people around my age who want to start low dedication cover band." (link)

"I am 'talent' whom is seeking a manager.
I can sing/dance and would like to do a show in the area and need an manager/agent.
did i mention my tv talks show debuts in 2 months?"(link)

"I am looking for a band that has somewhat sounds of those kind of bands but have there own sound with great influnces."(link)

"pleas help
i am a punk rocker"(link)

indie banding

2007-12-16T17:34:00.000-08:00

"I am 30 years old and love to rage it, but I am looking for kind folks with an element of consciousness..."

"6. Appearance. (A) Does the player have some abnormality or oddity that would detract from the band's ability to present a professional and reasonably attractive persona on stage?"

"You may even have an idea as to a cool name for a group. I am easy to approach about this."

"Are you as tired as me of seeing indie bands make Portland the butt of hipster jokes?"

"Bring your axe, and your star struck money maker and see the man who brought "indie banding" to Stumptown. As always there will be at least 25 nubile co-eds in the club getting and giving baby oil rub downs for charity - cause it feels so damn good!"

can you dig it

2007-12-16T17:30:00.000-08:00

"Hi there, I'm a 25 year old bass player who feels 18 at heart."

"And when it comes to my lyrics, I'm really influenced by life. My life and the lives of others. Things I observe and things I feel or that people around me convey."

"We need a drummer that wants to play to the music and not just go off like a wild gorilla."

"We are one of those rare bands that seem to have all the components necessary to be very successful. Those who have heard us feel we will very likely be the next big band to come out of Portland."

"My songwriting tends to be as much accidental or impulsive as it is reflective and deliberate.
My goal is to record involved music with musicians that collaborate with me to construct homes full of character to house each song or concept."

"it seems like all the music in portland has gone faggot. can you dig it?"

jam like jerry

2007-12-16T17:22:00.000-08:00

"Musical taste classifies me as a "Dead Head" though I am relatively clean cut and shower daily."

"I understand the artist perspective of needing great songs for a great performance and connection with an audience."

"WE HAVE THREE FORMATS TO CHOOSE FROM, 24CH ADAT, 24CH HARD DICK RECORDING"

"We DONT need some whiny granola tree-huggin Post Indie Hardcore alternative Lets just Jam like Jerry hipster."

"I believe to possess a killer application for this product of music, and I need partners to realize this vision. My vision includes a progressive, hard-rock, metal, jazz, funk combination...magic shows, comedy skits, vignettes, hip-hop freestyle battles, stand-up comedy, exhibit short films, perform stunts, and whatever other forms of entertainment we can come up with."

"We are most happy when the sound is current and happening in the millennium."

"No emo, unless you have extra eye makeup for me."

"i'm a nice swell unemployed guy that really wants 2 b in a band of some kind. i sorta play the guitar and the pianner. hello. yup. so, well ummmm"

team player

2007-11-10T17:00:00.000-08:00

"Hire SAX-MAS sax quartet for your church service, company party, private fiesta or department store..."

"Looking for someone Male or Female:
Good gear
Militant/Rock/Punk look
Team Player"

"Know when to play and when not to play. The pregnant silence can be just as meaningful as a the perfect note."

"Arcellus brings an intense musicianship. [He has] the ability to move beyond the traditional role of the bass player to a more melodic, layered playing that relishes in nuance and subtlety. Still, at the heart of his playing is a groove that is almost defiant, and very alive."

decent-looking male

2007-10-31T16:52:00.000-07:00

"I would love to have a hillbilly sing along with some old fashioned string instruments this weekend. Can anyone help me get into this sort of situation?"

"decent looking male has urge to sing harmony on your songs."

"Is there a bi-polar, overly-dramatic vocalist out there, and a tight jangly-poppy guitarist who would want to start a band?"

"I'm looking for strippers to perform, while I play my guitar. Send me an email."